Relationship is hard - even to a guy!
Sipping my favorite Latte at Barefoot on a lazy sunday afternoon, just as I popped open my laptop to start work, I overheard two guys sitting next to me talking about "why is it so hard for me to move on."
"I know that if I call her up right now, she won't see me or want to get back together with me."
"It is just so hard to find someone who's compatible on a fundamental level."
"The best thing for a relationship is not to hang out with each other everyday. The first six months, okay, do it. But after that, you need to have your own friends, or else you are sucked in. Friends time is really important."
I gotta say, I never thought that I'd hear things like that from guy-talks. I thought guys are fundamentally incapable of having deep feelings and thoughts like this (hmm). These two proved me wrong. Not only were they capable of it, they actually have pretty good and interesting thoughts. Props!
On the other hand, I am coping with my moving-on. It wasn't always easy. Like last night, I was at a party hosted by my realtor, because he was there with me for the parties in the last 2 months, I naturally miss the hell outta him. It would have been different if he were there with me. And I really wish he could be there.
But moving on is the right thing to do. I can't linger any more. I'm still not okay thinking about him. It was smart of him to take this "break" from me - though I really think he meant break-up. I am sure that I put doubts in his head and even hurt (maybe). The most he said to me was, "this is difficult/hurtful to me to do this."
I think what's most important is to do things for the right reasons. And the right reasons has to be for me. As selfish as it sounds and until I have kids, right reasons have to be making me a happier, healthier, emotionally stabler person.
So, what is the right thing to do? What are the facts from his perspective?
- Rushed into having sex with him
- Rushed into the DTR
- Rushed into saying the L word, although I think things are moving too fast
- Went through his fb and accused him for being a liar
- Have difficult conversation with him from time to time (dubbed "the cathy conversation")
- Said "I wasn't ready to be in a relationship" and "we should break up" just because he doesn't want to come up to the city on a Friday night.
- I don't play golf
- I'm emotional needy and I put him on an emotional rollercoaster
Ok... the goods of me...
- I took good care of him while he was ill
- I bonded with his mom well, I treat his family and friends well, his friends (heather, ally) liked me
- I am smart, I look out for him on his career
- I am honest, caring, and selfless
- We work really well together
- We have insanely good sex
- We have similar values and good values
Okay, from my perspective now....
- He's clinically depressed, might have implication on children or affects other part of our lives. He might not be even noticing these effects like how he is unemotional and mellow and cold!
- He's an introvert, and not a conversation starter, or very reserved on expressing himself. It makes it difficult for me to know him.
- He might be driven and ambitious but I just don't know it yet
Goods?
- He's smart, or at least slightly more emotionally intelligent.
